let's!

and so after all the fuss, it has ended, i think, well and truly. 

after the feelings are gone and there is nothing left, no amount of wishing and wanting will ever bring it back. 

and i don't know how i feel about that.  right now i just wish so much to be back in the past, even just to be one day earlier. from here, even a whirlwind of messy emotions seems better than this stone cold clarity. i've lost him, and possibly he doesn't even realise it yet. 

why do i feel so sad? isn't this the clarity and the decision i wanted? yet now that i've achieved it (or so it feels), why do i feel so empty; like i've lost something i was actually glad (on hindsight) to have? 

i wish i could give others and myself chances. at this rate i think life is going to just pass me by whilst i sit still waiting and hesitating. presentiments? the moment has come and gone, but nothing has happened. and the only reason i can think of is my inability to move. what do they call it in physics again? suddenly the word is lost from me, but i know that i am the exact personification of it.