finally came home at an earthly hour today. it's my first week doing final audit for ABC Co (a false name obviously) and it's been an eye opener so far. every night, I get home at around 12. I can barely struggle to shower and complete my nightly beauty regime (the only thing driving me to apply my creams diligently is the fine lines that I've noticed around my eye area, sobs)
anyways, as I lie on my bed at night, just before turning in, I keep asking myself if this is the kind of life I wanna lead. is this really the best job out there for me? and is it worth it to sacrifice my quality of life for quite honestly, peanuts?
but then again, I've barely worked 2 months and I want to give this job a proper chance. Not like I'm intending to quit anytime soon, but the horrible working hours has really been forcing me to contemplate on what I really want in life. Seems a little premature to be having a mid-life crisis huh.
For the first 18 years of my life, I was completely set on becoming a doctor, or more specifically, an obstetrician who would bring hundreds of babies into this world. Every step in my life was directed towards this singular goal, including what subjects to take in school. Perhaps I was too innocent, or didn't know any better, but at that time I wholly believed that as long as I worked hard, I would definitely be able to realise my dream. To my younger self, I thought life was like a dollar sum game, hard work + determination = realizing your dream
Well, it turned out that God had a different plan for me. I wasn't offered a place in medicine, and I ended up in accountancy, a field I had barely given a second thought too. Through this, i also learnt the importance of Plan B. I guess that was the first turning point in my life. Through it, I realised that you don't always get what you want in life, but also that it's not always a bad thing. In my very first semester in NTU, I met C in my IT class. We were strangers, but somehow ended up grouping together for our IT project. Whenever I look back on life thus far and wonder how different my life would be if I had managed to answer the questions better during my medicine or dentistry interview, I remind myself that perhaps the cogs of life were already spinning to bring me to C. Knowing that God has a plan for me, which also involves meeting C, is the best way to quell the surge of what-ifs that sometimes flood my mind during quiet moments.
And so after I ended up in accountancy, I started to think that maybe I would have a normal 8-5 job, have time for yoga and pilates after work and have my family as my first priority. In other words, lead a tai tai life. I wasn't really bent on climbing up the corporate ladder. I didn't give much thought to how I would be able to afford the quality of life I planned to have.
And now that I've started work, I realise that money isn't everything, but it is key to helping you buy the things you need and want. And so I realised that perhaps my dream of being a part time fitness instructor who would still have time to pick her kids up after school and cook dinner for them everyday wasn't that feasible. If I want to be able to live well, then I need to have the earning power to support it.
Which brings me back to audit, really. Is this the job that I'm going to spend the rest of my life on?
I don't know, really.
I'll see how it goes after completing the audit of this company.
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