NOTE TO SELF: be very careful and not press the backspace button accidentally and cause all my precious words to be lost. if u see this it means i would have succeeded. if u dont, well..
tralala. wot a nice lovely day it is (: its kelly's birthday!!! our birthdays are exactly one month apart. happie birthday to you my dearest daughtie!!! :D :D :D anyways, i think my whole wkend is gonna be a mad rush. so much for indulging in a nice comfy long-deserved, much-delayed break. went home after trg today and bathed, uploaded the 2 kings of convenience albums (thankew shuuy!!) and wrote kelly's card. unsurprisingly, i wuz late in meeting anabel at lavender. she wuz rilli gud abt it and even went to search out arab st first! hahas. i got to buy kelly's prezzie there! i thought long and hard about wot to buy her and finally decided on IT. in fact i'd already set my heart on it long long ago, P.B.T (pre-block test) in fact. so i wuz quite upset when i thought i wuz unable to buy it for her cuz of trg. BUT lady luck is on my side, letting me rush down to buy it before heading for her bbq. hope u like it dearest baby darling (:
and then tmr i have to go for tuition, then go running with leilei (: yingxia b4 trg. and just when u think i can take a breather, BIO SPA SKILL A shall then take over and eat up my time(and possibly sleep). grr. i dont care. after trg on mon i'll just head home and sleep till kingdom come. im even willing to forsake precious SHOPPING for it. see how much i love u, MR SLEEP? hee.
mm i had a good time at kelly's birthday bbq today. my attendance is unquestionable bt i wuz abit worried cuz i thought i'll be hanging ard on my own devices as she'd be busy playing hostess and i didnt know her ac friends. luckily i didnt worry too much about it cuz her friends are such a bunch of lovely ppl (: u shud see the nice scrapbook they compiled for her with a pic of kelly and every single one of their classmates in each page! and each photo would have a special message accompanying it. anyways, im rilli glad that i got to see chris and kelly today (: rilli miss them and treasure every chance that we get to meet up. it totally squashed the self-doubt that had begun its insidious passage into the crevices of my mind. sometimes life gets so mad and busy that our friendship sorta takes a backseat to things that are often much less important but ironically more pressing, like tests and exams and HOMEWORK pukes. sometimes it gets to a point where we dont talk or see each other for months! so we pretty much don't know wots going on in each other's lives too. sometimes, it rilli gets me down. i miss having my J.A.C.K., people who know every inch and fibre of your life just like you know theirs. and in my madder moments i do start questioning, like why be friends when u dont even have time for each other? mebbe im just dark and easily swayed by an eenie weenie bit of difficulty or problems. but you know wot? i found my answer today. why be friends? why NOT be friends with people who love you and care for you and want nothing but the best for you? people who love you in a way that only someone who has seen the best, worst, craziest, hidden sides of you can. i'll never let myself doubt my bedrock again. and of course there's that cliche about friends not having to see each other everyday. i love u my dearest baby darlings!! ahhas. we have set up a monthly date as our birthdays are roughly one month apart! so i shall see u soon on 20th april!
ahh today i finally got to take k2 with sophia again. its our sophomore effort..mmm...i dunno.felt very bad today. like our boat keeps tilting, sometimes left, other times right. i felt so bad that i wuz at the root of it all. not to mention the bothersome tendency of my legs to hop out of the footstrap and into the water at the slightest sign that we're gonna cap.thankfully sophia is calmer than me and she can sit still and soothingly tell me to relax. agh. i feel so -.- i dunno...wot feeling is this? irritation with myself? i try my bestest not to compare...being alone has its plus and minus points. but it is no longer an option for me so i should stop dreaming about it.im blessed that haoxia gave me the sweetest partner in sophia, whom i can get along with and who's not like a jnr at all cuz she's more emotionally stable than me.c'mon, who's the baby that cried cuz she fell off the stool and dropped the boat.uggghhh.and as the snr i shouldnt be making any mistakes,i should be guiding her instead.but im not!im still as unprepared and un-snr-like as i'll ever be.how am i going to help sophia in this way???ahh im rilli like the buddha made from mud crossing the river...but,sophia doesnt blame me(hopefully) so i should stop blaming myself. playing the blame game is fruitless and only makes you feel worse. i hope that i can put my feelings aside and work on paddling harder, faster and better...on another note, i can see that haoxia seems to be placing alot of pressure on the t1s recently..my dearest rina, don't be stressed and dont misinteprete his words and possibly get upset over innocuous comments kays?ni xing de!! omgosh and christine pls pls dont be sad!!! its natural to be weaker after falling ill. but u must know this: if you could do it before u can do it now, and better and faster too. pls dont cry anymore i'll be praying for all my dearies so fight hard and jia you kays!! have faith! ahh. im such a hypocrite i myself feel so unsure. i rilli dont know where im going, will sophia and i be able to cut it? or will i be holding her back? ahhh....but you know wot? mebbe cuz im still relatively removed from the situation, but i've probed myself deeply and i can honestly say that whether or not i get to compete in july, it is not going to change anything for me. mebbe it makes me sound like i dont give a hoot about the nationals. but i do. its just that the whole journey of joining canoeing has given me so much. i have found a group of ppl i'd nv have met otherwise, and our relationships with each other is so innocent and pure; there are no hidden agendas or negative undercurrents. and i've followed through with my idea of joining canoe, which implanted itself in my head ever since i went to the nj open house. even though my friends just laughed at me and said 'you?' and recently some of them told me they'd always thought i'd quit midway HMPH!! and i get to drink pre-purified water in macritchie, and i havent died yet, which makes you wonder if the people at the mighty filtration plant are getting paid for nothing..and so many other things. how can anything compare? i dont need nor have to depend on the nationals to validate all that i've gained. im actually surprised by this realisation. i rmb making a passing comment to chris on one of our mrt trips home fr kallang last yr that i dont think i'd be able to compete next yr. and it surprises me that whether or not i get to doesnt bother me. does this mean i have matured?
its getting late now. i should be getting some sleep. but i'll sleep better having gotten all this off my chest. g'nite (:
beneath this mask is an IDEA, and IDEAS are BULLETPROOF.
i am neither the FACE beneath this mask, as much as i am the MUSCLES beneath it, or the BONES.
V for Vendatta is such a beautiful movie. u'll jes cry watching it, it is as much a love story as it is a story about single-mindedly achieving ur goal. the political references and other deeper stuff, well, they just flew right over my head. (:
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